Phoneless conversations

These days, you've got to be grateful when you have a fully phone-free conversation: resisting the urge to check email, calendars, to do "research."

I recently participated in a full 2 hour conversation on a very intense topic and a participant said the beat part of it was the absence of mobile devices.

How do you deal with the pop-up phenomenon. Explicitly I think. That's what I get at home, and maybe because I'm guilt-addicted... But it feels right. It's annoying and offensive. An addictive part of me I expect friends and family to call out.

And if it needs a diplomatic treatment- I've seen humor go a long way. Ah hum.. I'm over here... Straight ahead.

What's the antidote to this negative phenomenon? A lot of people are looking for that. On the Jewish circuit, it's Shabbat. On the environmental one, Nature. Culinary, Cooking (but aren't all the best recipes online!?) or maybe enjoying a good meal together. On the travel circuit, Cuba?!

And what's the opposite of the phone- free conversation? The eye-contact-blocking iPad meal. Check out this picture. I was actually blown away...

 

No agendas

New York gives off a very agenda'ed vibe. It's hard to meet someone without feeling they have an ulterior motive, or without having one oneself.

In fundraising that's obvious, though the best meetings are definitely ones that transcend the agenda to find real common ground. And I feel lucky to work with quite a number of people I like immensely. Those are the perfect intersections of work and pleasure - the moments when I'm so grateful for my job - and they are  deserving of a dedicated post.

At work itself, with colleagues I like, it's nearly impossible to have the non-agenda'ed take precedence over the work agenda for more than a few minutes. We can start with a quick personal check in, and linger there for a few moments, but when deadlines and emails are pressing, we've got to move on. The whole process creates the slightly negative after effect, as if it were all chit chat. In fact, with greater perspective - from the balcony, as they say - we know it's actually the other way around. The extra calls and emails and meetings pale in comparison to the personal connects.

But even meetings that have no immediate connection to work can feel agenda'ed. What do I want to get out of this? What about the other person? I've had the thoughts infringe on the most personal- friends, even my husband and kids. That's clearly destructive.

And so I am grateful today for those rare and prized non agenda'ed moments, and eager to increase them in my life.