Gratitude as apathy or activism?

A recent NYT article criticized the current focus on gratitude, taping into a concern I've had about this writing project.

Does the practice of gratitude redirect what might be productive outrage aimed at injustice in the world-- a potential positive catalyst for change -- into a self-satisfied posture aimed inward and a source of apathy?

I can see where it might. But there are a number of ways in which gratitude can be understood and play out....

I'm grateful to have enough to eat, I'm grateful to be safe, I'm grateful to enjoy good health... A grateful list like that sounds mildly distasteful, gloating, boasting even. (Can I add here - to have a beautiful new outfit, a great hairdo, trophy family....) I've really tried to avoid this posture. In fact, the blog has not documented much of my personal situation, though I am indeed grateful for it on my own personal count.

On deeper reflection, a similar grateful list might point to the delicacy of good fortune. And the recognition that it is fortune and not intention or hard work that leads in large part to the situation in which we find ourselves, can be a very philosophical moment, even a religious one. Fortune is fickle after all, and can easily change. To value what one has in the moment is to be cognizant that the winds of change may come very quickly, in fact, they most definitely will. Unlike gloating, this type of gratitude is the ultimate in humility, the recognition that we are small ourselves and our joy is fleeting. I could get very poetic on this front, but this attitude, which is deeply personal, has also not been my main intention with this Grateful blog, and it too results in a turn inward.

The gratitude that I have tried to encourage in this blog was inspired by an idea that is almost diametrically opposed.

It was a political idea - a very outward rather than a personal set of reflections: the idea that I needed to appreciate the rights and social norms that I have in order to not take them for granted, and be willing to fight for them if they are drilled back or not applied equally for all, as I see happening today.

The idea is to understand that I have cause to be grateful because of certain political realities that I need to safeguard or fight for: I have enough to eat because I was born in a country that has peace and plenty -- unlike so many; I'm grateful to be safe because we have rule of law and also because I am the child of many privileges that are not doled out equally; I'm grateful to enjoy good health and I  appreciate the fact that my employer supplements a fine health insurance plan.

And of course I had the idea that this was not just applicable to me, but much more broadly - that's why I wanted this to be a public reflection.

Finally, although this was political in nature, I didn't want it to be theoretical. I am interested in connecting emotion to activism in a thoughtful way.

My favorite holiday is the one where we remember the story of the biblical escape from Egypt - from slavery into freedom - and my favorite ritual is the Seder, when we try to re-enact that story in order to simulate the experience of attaining freedom. That's an effort, as I see it, to drill the lessons of one era into the very different realities of another, since all of us have been born into a life of freedom. The point? To create not just a theoretical but actually a visceral dislike of the application of power over others. 

I wanted to try to re-insert this visceral sense into our political discussion. I'm grateful that my income is sufficient-- how unfair to be born by no fault of one's own in a place where hunger is the norm. I'm grateful to be assumed innocent in almost all situations-- how horrendous to be subject to constant suspicion. And I'm grateful to have healthcare and the right to choice- how is it possible that this shouldn't be afforded to all when we have the means available?

We've seen a lot of outrage in politics, but it has not been tempered by a recognition of our own good fortune and personal humility and gratitude. Instead, it's a race to claim victimhood... which brings out fear and the worst in us. The idea of my gratitude blog was to inspire activism from a place of strength and appreciation.

Does that type of gratitude resonate? If you've gotten to this point, please leave a comment and let me know!

And with this in mind, I'll try to write some upcoming posts about specific issues at hand.

For what do we stand?

If ever there was a time to articulate what we stand for in the most positive and passionate terms - that time is now.

With the terrible attacks in Paris and fear escalating in Europe, a vast number of people have stood up to say what they stand against. The war on terrorism that was first declared on September 21, 2001, has been renewed and rededicated, this time explicitly against Islamic fundamentalism. There are discussions about the need for surveillance; global covert data sharing; and vigilance in schools, prisons and on the internet. The show of unity has been dramatic.

But of course in the end, this is a war of hearts and minds, an ideological battle-- not just a security threat. The ideology that offers the most genuine passion, the most authentic appeal - is the one that wins for an untold number of youth and their enablers. 

The stakes are very high. If we don't win, there is no policing that can contain the threat that may emerge, no defense robust enough to find and quell each pocket of hate without trampling democracy in the process. 

And if we win, there is so very much to gain- not just against the would-be terrorists and the active purveyors of hate, but for ourselves. 

And yet, too few people are engaging on this front. It is easier to be united by a common enemy than to find our unity in a common vision. To do so sounds naive, simplistic, foolish. 

Everyone from the field of business to personal therapy knows about the power that individuals and teams derive from a positive vision. It's the key to success on career and personal fronts. And yet, we are sorely missing that vision in our political scene today, and often in our personal lives. 

My blog has been about trying to re-articulate, at least for myself, what is to be prized about our society, what has been won, and, as part of this continuum, what must be maintained or improved upon:

1. A belief in pluralism - which is the notion that we can live together because we share certain fundamental human traits that connect us beyond the diverse cultural, religious, and political beliefs we harbor. If we give this up and choose tribalism, we are giving up the fundament of any modern, global democracy. Hand-in-hand with embracing this belief, is a commitment to striving for the ideal of equal opportunity; it means women's rights, civil rights, freedom of religion, gay rights and more - not because we are the same, but because we must be given an equally say so that we can continue to live together.

2. The importance of education- a trust that more knowledge leads to better ends. Of course this needs to be checked with humanity, honestly, and a strong valuation of integrity, but it remains nonetheless crucial. Knowledge is the opposite - not of humanity but of superstition and repression. This belief provides justification for a free press and an open political system, where hate speech is countered by better speech, not force.

3. The rule of law and a monopoly of force by government, which is entrusted with this power by its people. There may be other rules in personal conduct, and other forces within families and communities, but none has the power to decide when different sectors collide beside the State, and that authority and its exercise must be recognized by all.

4. A strong appreciation of the sanctity of the individual. This understanding  is tapered by an interest in the common good, but not superseded. It goes hand in hand with the belief in pluralism, and each value checks the other.

5. And while these are not in our founding dictums-- I'd like to add that today we have understood the importance of an appreciation for our environment, for something spiritual within us, and a sense of perspective and humor. Perhaps these derive from a mature understanding of our own mortality.

At a time of overwhelming political gridlock and frustration - and much worse - cynicism, including among our most highly educated and comfortable, who today is fighting for what is right in the idealistic and passionate terms of men like Martin Luther King Jr., whose life we remember this weekend? Surely he at his time had the right to be cynical, to turn away from lofty ideals in favor of a simpler goal of personal/family comfort. But he chose instead not only to fight against what was wrong, but to articulate in a clear and stirring manner a vision. It was that vision- more I believe than the specific laws and disgraces he was fighting against - that drove him in his day, and inspired so many then and since: a vision of what was right.

What type of the society do we feel is worth protecting, joining, even celebrating? 

We really, truly have to make that case-- and believe it and share it. Now.

Grateful for adversity?

I remember the wise words of my Mom when I was a kid, desperately begging for a doll that had just come to market and that my neighbor received as it hit the shelves for Christmas. It was a bust - with hair that you could dye, curl and otherwise style, and make-up you could apply. If I still wanted it so desperately in three months' time, Mom told me, it would be mine.

Sure enough, I never got the doll. Well before deadline, my neighbor and I were on to something else.

Some fundamental human traits don't change with age.

Studies (and SO corroborated by lived experience) show that human beings are hardwired to enjoy new things for a short time and then quickly to return to a state of not caring. Sure- when we get a new toy (and this doesn't seem to change based on age, so fill in anything here- piece of clothing, art, food, gadget...), we are happy and excited for a while, grateful, but it's soon over and onto the next.

Since gratefulness is directly linked to happiness, that's hard stuff. It forebodes a world of spoiled jerks for those who have means, and misplaced help for those who do not - well-intentioned aid that may all too often be ephemeral in effect. Complacency, boredom... icky stuff. Not what we hoped from enlightened society. 

What can be done to alter that prognosis? 

- an intentional "slow" practice of gratitude. 

Gratitude is a good idea, but Blogger already assigned me "veryverygrateful" (the name of this blog) in my effort to practice gratitude because the less hyperbolic names were taken. People are joining gratitude challenges, marathons- the more, the better. There's something deeply suspect about these formulas. 

Perhaps it is possible to lock gratitude in time instead? To be grateful not in quantity -- a lot, often, veryvery -- but rather with greater quality, more heft. Can we revisit, often, a few special and defining moments -- when someone gave good advice, when an opportunity was offered and seized? Can we spend the time in the first place to identify these defining moments in our own life?

- an active pursuit of new experiences and not things. 

Can we cultivate an appreciation for a smile, a laugh, a chance to dance, even - crazy - to work together - over material things? Sometimes people describe these as relationships over material- but relationships are complex and can't be a source of uninterrupted gratitude any more than objects can be. Instead- let's focus on moments of relationships. 

As we think of how best to help others too, there should be a strong preference - at least when situations are not life threatening - for skills over objects, teaching over handouts.

- finally, a pursuit of challenge, of adversity. 

That may sound overboard- who would ever choose difficulty? But it seems so clear that when adversity strikes, it brings with it a chance for deeper feeling, for transcendence, and yes, for a new level of appreciation. 

It would be nice to say that we feel that way only if we ourselves are struck- but actually observing others in adverse situations is also powerful. The kindest interpretation of this is that we have an amazing power to put ourselves in the shoes of others and feel with them.

That's why the inclusion in religions of imagined/re-enacted suffering (slavery at Passover, communion's symbolism) is so fascinating. We don't actually experience the suffering, but we try to deeply empathize through what amounts to ritual and symbolic play-acting.

In a society in which we have so much- it is fascinating to think about how we can do anything but take it for granted. The answers above all amount to stepping out of the rhythms of our daily life. It seems necessary to do this in order to be able to look at that very life and see its distinct contours and to recognize them as good.