Being a woman

There are challenges to being a woman in our society today. 

Some are internal- I read a very on point article earlier this week about how difficult  it is for women to hear criticism and how important to develop a thicker skin. Hear that.

And some are external - glass ceilings, the undying old boys' clubs models, and the issue of poor maternity policies. I've been exceedingly fortunate to have had incredible employers who have given me space on that latter and most fundamental of external pressures.

But in many ways, I count my blessings to be a woman in New York in this day and age. Beyond the timeless extraordinary physical capabilities of womanhood, we are living in a time when societal norms are making it easier and better than it has ever been.  

Here are some key aspects that go way beyond the basics- safety, freedom to choose motherhood or marriage, basic healthcare...

-- Men are positively encouraged to be supportive not only financially, but with time, child care, house work, cooking, even emotions. 

-- Employers are trying to include women in higher positions and cannot legally discriminate. Awareness of inequalities doesn't always fix them, but it helps. Flex time in all of its iterations is a basis for many conversations. 

-- A societal consensus has emerged on the capabilities of women and the desire ability of including them in all arenas.

-- There is full acceptance of women's choices to work and make money or to stay at home. This used to be doctrinaire one way or the other- but I have the sense that women who make different choices are coexisting more than ever and more accepted. You'll always find pockets of resentment, but in general- both women working and women who are at home (actually not usually) are prized.

-- and not to be missed... Those pointy toed high heels are finally out.

I've benefitted a lot from all of these and I'm grateful.

Does everyone believe in equality? Anyone?

I was raised to think people are basically equal and that diversity was a positive. I don't think I'm unique in that- not by a long shot. At the time, I felt it represented the norm. 

Or maybe it's better to state in a religious language- that all human beings are created in the image of God, and therefore each person has fundamental goodness in them, and value, as well as some basic needs and aspirations we all share. And then there are differences; they are important but not fundamental, opportunities but not prisons.

In fact, I don't doubt that religion played into this. The focus on learning about the Holocaust made me very sensitive to prejudice- anti-Semitism, racism. 

That's one of the reasons that traveling was so eye opening. I remember new friends in Europe spending hours of drinks and conversation trying to nail down just how the French were different from the Russians, or some other "people" from another... It was a favorite mode of conversation, a pasttime.

Of course when it took on a slightly anti-Jewish tone I bristled a bit, but it was always presented in good fun, which made it hard to take up arms.

It was hard to condemn this recognition of difference, in part because it felt like the antidote to political correctness gone crazy in the U.S. I didn't know to urge a slightly different angle - a frame of cultural context rather than a sort of absolutist characterization would have turned stereotyping into sociology.  

But even if the language was sloppy or reactive and might have been fixed, were the underpinnings about fundamental human value the same? 

I've come to think they were not and are not in much of the world, and to see that they are in question sometimes even here at home. This is an ideal that is minority opinion- not recognized wisdom. Even political correctness, which sometimes seemed to represent tyranny of the majority here- is a battle against the odds in the larger world.

What seemed to me to be accepted wisdom, almost trivialities about human equality, about the richness of diversity, are actually the product of a very specific time and place. And I'd argue an important, enlightened one. 

Is there a lot to criticize about the implementation of this ideal? Yes- if you look at the shocking statistic of New York of all places having some of the most segregated schools... Not by law, I should add, but in practice, which is the bottom line. Even if you look at how many, and me too at times, choose to group by background rather than taking advantage of the incredible differences and crossing boundaries. And so much more to add....

But I don't want to lose the fact that the ideal is still solid. And it's a lot more precious than I ever thought... A lot more worth defending. 

I'm grateful for being brought up with that, and for living in a society that at very least still articulates this ideal. It's not to be taken for granted- it's to work on and share.