Sure enough, I never got the doll. Well before deadline, my neighbor and I were on to something else.
Some fundamental human traits don't change with age.
Studies (and SO corroborated by lived experience) show that human beings are hardwired to enjoy new things for a short time and then quickly to return to a state of not caring. Sure- when we get a new toy (and this doesn't seem to change based on age, so fill in anything here- piece of clothing, art, food, gadget...), we are happy and excited for a while, grateful, but it's soon over and onto the next.
Since gratefulness is directly linked to happiness, that's hard stuff. It forebodes a world of spoiled jerks for those who have means, and misplaced help for those who do not - well-intentioned aid that may all too often be ephemeral in effect. Complacency, boredom... icky stuff. Not what we hoped from enlightened society.
What can be done to alter that prognosis?
- an intentional "slow" practice of gratitude.
Gratitude is a good idea, but Blogger already assigned me "veryverygrateful" (the name of this blog) in my effort to practice gratitude because the less hyperbolic names were taken. People are joining gratitude challenges, marathons- the more, the better. There's something deeply suspect about these formulas.
Perhaps it is possible to lock gratitude in time instead? To be grateful not in quantity -- a lot, often, veryvery -- but rather with greater quality, more heft. Can we revisit, often, a few special and defining moments -- when someone gave good advice, when an opportunity was offered and seized? Can we spend the time in the first place to identify these defining moments in our own life?
- an active pursuit of new experiences and not things.
Can we cultivate an appreciation for a smile, a laugh, a chance to dance, even - crazy - to work together - over material things? Sometimes people describe these as relationships over material- but relationships are complex and can't be a source of uninterrupted gratitude any more than objects can be. Instead- let's focus on moments of relationships.
As we think of how best to help others too, there should be a strong preference - at least when situations are not life threatening - for skills over objects, teaching over handouts.
- finally, a pursuit of challenge, of adversity.
That may sound overboard- who would ever choose difficulty? But it seems so clear that when adversity strikes, it brings with it a chance for deeper feeling, for transcendence, and yes, for a new level of appreciation.
It would be nice to say that we feel that way only if we ourselves are struck- but actually observing others in adverse situations is also powerful. The kindest interpretation of this is that we have an amazing power to put ourselves in the shoes of others and feel with them.
That's why the inclusion in religions of imagined/re-enacted suffering (slavery at Passover, communion's symbolism) is so fascinating. We don't actually experience the suffering, but we try to deeply empathize through what amounts to ritual and symbolic play-acting.
In a society in which we have so much- it is fascinating to think about how we can do anything but take it for granted. The answers above all amount to stepping out of the rhythms of our daily life. It seems necessary to do this in order to be able to look at that very life and see its distinct contours and to recognize them as good.
