No agendas

New York gives off a very agenda'ed vibe. It's hard to meet someone without feeling they have an ulterior motive, or without having one oneself.

In fundraising that's obvious, though the best meetings are definitely ones that transcend the agenda to find real common ground. And I feel lucky to work with quite a number of people I like immensely. Those are the perfect intersections of work and pleasure - the moments when I'm so grateful for my job - and they are  deserving of a dedicated post.

At work itself, with colleagues I like, it's nearly impossible to have the non-agenda'ed take precedence over the work agenda for more than a few minutes. We can start with a quick personal check in, and linger there for a few moments, but when deadlines and emails are pressing, we've got to move on. The whole process creates the slightly negative after effect, as if it were all chit chat. In fact, with greater perspective - from the balcony, as they say - we know it's actually the other way around. The extra calls and emails and meetings pale in comparison to the personal connects.

But even meetings that have no immediate connection to work can feel agenda'ed. What do I want to get out of this? What about the other person? I've had the thoughts infringe on the most personal- friends, even my husband and kids. That's clearly destructive.

And so I am grateful today for those rare and prized non agenda'ed moments, and eager to increase them in my life.